p+Narrative+1+20

 My first air force game by Nick R On a nice and sunny day my dad my brothers team and i went to a air force game. and got there early so we got to play some games or had a snack tell we had to go to the big game. then we went over to the game and sat down and watched the marines do some amazing stuff like walk into roes of maybe 5 or more and sprint so they would not have to do so many pushups .Once they all had their seats and was comfortable there was some jets that went by and then there was at least 7 and as the seventh came down with American flag and dropped but luckily there was somebody to catch the flag. Players came out and jumped around and was so excited. the game was about to start as their force got ready to punt. then the game started. the Nicholas state received the ball first down next they threw the ball no good the refs say.3 plays still no good. Now it's the air force have the ball. so they got maybe 30 yards off of a pass and the refs were yelling good. the air force just were killing them so bad it just was a bad game for the Nicholas state. the air the air force won 100 to at-least but I be the marines were dead tired because they did at least 500 pushups as we went home there was the plane that bombed Japan and I must say it was probably the biggest plane I ever saw in my life but I haven't saw allot of big planes.

Writers memo by nick R I chose this piece of writing because I think that if I work on this well enough I can make this my best piece ever it will just take some time and effort.

The first thing I changed was my begging sentience because every good story needs a good begging to attract your smart readers.

The second place that I changed my writing was in my spelling, capitalization and punctuation because if the reader doesn't like or understand what you have then it is not a good story to read.

Thirdly I added in some more detail so that when you read you can feel like your in that game listing to the crowds scream as the air force score a touchdown and the marines come out and do push ups.

Forth I changed my ending just to try and make a good ending.