Writer's+Memo

__**Writer's Memo**__ By Kyle  I re-read my piece entitled //__ Bed Trampolines. __//  I chose to rewrite this piece because I realized that my growth in writing has expanded to much higher levels of thought. I thought what better way than to retry it to visually see my growth in writing. I also wondered if after the vocabulary in reading tests, I would get more variety of wording. Altogether, I chose this piece since it was one of my first works of fifth grade.  My first major revision on this piece was the lead. At the beginning of the year, I didn't know much about leads so I just kind of went with my first lead. My original lead was '“Whoa, I did it!” I said in triumph.' I knew I could come up with something much catchier and smarter than that, so I changed my lead into '   “How did that happen?!” I exclaimed.' I changed this because the lead is one the most important parts and it didn't really 'stick out' the way I wanted it to. If you look at it you can see that the new one draws more attention.  My second major revision was when I changed part of the points of view to Ellie, rather than me. Instead of saying “I experimented with flipping” I added a part saying what Ellie was doing with the camera while I was experimenting. I did this so that it could show more depth of characters I put into the story. Also, when you compare it, when there's two sides of what was going on, it makes the story a bit more adventurous.  My third major revision was when I added the part about when I was busted for doing the stunts. I added the part where I got back at my sister for busting me, even though I wasn't sure if she DID bust me. I added this part because it also shows what the character's choices are. Along with this, it adds just a touch more of personality to the story.  My fourth important change was when I went into more detail about my sister's reaction to the video of me flipping. Instead of saying “She paused when I was upside-down and laughed” I revised it into “She burst in to hilarity and paused the video at the exact moment I was one-hundred percent upside down.” This is obviously better because the original didn't explain what happened very well.  My fifth and final extreme change was when I added more detail to who would be right about whether or not my head touched the covers during my stunt. Instead of “I know I was right” I went into what I really thought in my head. I wrote “Although, I wasn't sure who was right since my eyes were shut extremely tight.” This shows my true thoughts about my flip which gives a sense of me thinking I may not have known through logical reasoning